apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
not ubering you a puppy
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