White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You pole danced in your parka.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
