talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
