it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
