Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
