We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
