how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
