I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
