woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
God, I missed his penis.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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