i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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