I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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