4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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