how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
operation have a gay friend backfired
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize