Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
