isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
