why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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