My nipple is on Facebook.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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