I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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