It's just like the Real World with babies
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
