My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The uberlube is also flammable
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
