I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
