I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
