Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
