her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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