and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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