I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
