help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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