you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
