What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
