my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
