I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
