Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
