i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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