how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
