Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
