who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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