i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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