last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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