he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
