Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize