i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
