why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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