GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
