We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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