No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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