why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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