Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
