i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
