dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
