? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
