Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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