dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
