so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
