god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
