This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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