sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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