i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
