I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
