Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
