Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
