Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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