the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
