i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
