My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
