It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
