There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
