I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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