Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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