just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
