Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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