this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think i have two assholes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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