4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
