i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
